Sunday, March 16, 2014

Perfect imperfection

I must say, I'm not one that believes in the whole: "oh em gee my life is perfect online and that's all I will let anyone know about" nor do I believe in constant sappy notes of affection on my husbands Facebook page unless it's a birthday or an anniversary. Call me old fashion, but if I want to tell him how much I love him, I'm going to tell him directly to his face. Cyber world doesn't need to know about it.

However, I believe that goodness and selflessness should be recognized because the world is so full of darkness and hate. When we have stories of pure true love, why are we not sharing them? 

The last 10 weeks of my life have been some of the hardest I've ever been through. As healthy as I was at the end of December, when Mike and I decided to conceive (yep, that's about as big as I think I'll go with a cyber announcement) I never saw what the future weeks would bring. 

As Mike likes to say, my switch flipped. I have LOVED spending time just being married and building an unshakable friendship with my husband. The last two and a half years I wondered why we'd ever need a child to feel complete because I believed We had everything. 

My husband was more supportive than I ever thought possible, he was such a hard worker, I had a new car, we were building a new house, we were the best of friends and could spend every minute with one another and never get sick of it. We had the worlds best relationship in my eyes and I didn't need more than what this man had to offer. But, Gods plans are bigger and I suddenly knew it was right to start our family. 

Fast forward 10 weeks to tonight. I'm 14 weeks in and 10 pounds down. I've had morning sickness all day long from week 6 and haven't even been able to work the last month so I decided to step down to be fair to the company. We moved into our house at week 8 and all hell broke lose. If not for family, I would still be living out of boxes. At week 11 I woke up in such serious pain, Mike rushed me to the ER worried something was wrong with the baby. After some morphine and a strong dose of antibiotics (unfortunately) they determined I had a pretty gnarly kidney infection. 

I went to the OB five days later with no
Relief from the pain so he CHANGED my antibiotic and basically had me start over in the healing process. I don't normally like the idea of pills that don't contain pure herbs, but I'm not just worrying about myself anymore. I didn't want the baby to contract any serious infections from this not being addressed, so I pressed on. 

Morning sickness mixed with an infection was wreaking havoc on my body but to add a cherry on top, antibiotics are World War III to a colon of anyone who has crohns. And I was on them for two straight weeks. 

I'm not telling this story to get sympathy. Sympathy actually makes me a little uncomfortable. This story had some background information JUST to paint a picture of the train wreck I've been. I've been worthless to society and mostly worthless as a now "stay at home wife." I haven't been much of a contributer around the house.

I would feel severely ungrateful if I didn't publicly aknowledge what an amazing man I married. Remember when I said he was a hard worker? Some things never change. He's often working 12 hour shifts that go late into the night. He calls me through out the day to make sure I'm okay and asks if he needs to bring home food or if I was okay to cook. (Cooking usually entails frozen food I dethawed and threw in the oven) he has kept our house clean, dishes done, puppy cleaned up after, floors mopped, laundry done, closet organized and when he's not working or being the ideal 1950's housewife, he's been unpacking the house. 

I know I just described a superman of sorts...but the best part is, I have heard NOTHING in terms of complaining from him; though he has every reason to feel overwhelmed. He has been the epitome of service to me as his spouse and I literally would be dead without him. If I live to be 1000 I would never see the day where I returned such selfless love as he has shown me.

                           * * * * *

There is so much going on in the world. People are dying, planes are scarily going missing, people are homeless, starving, dirty, sick, poor---the US's integrity is being questioned and leaders of the world are doing everything but's so hard to focus on everything good the world still has to offer. It's so easy to lose hope in humanity. Not only are there world tribulations but we face hardship and HELL in our own lives as well. I have been facing my personal nightmares lately but I've challenged myself to focus on everything I have. Even if it was just the love of the amazing man I described a few paragraphs back doesn't that seem to you I would have more than enough?? 
I know some people's relationships aren't like mine and I don't want that to be the focus of this post. Focus on all of the amazing relationships you DO have and all of the people that love you. Love isn't only meant for marriage. Pure Love can extend to children, neighbors, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, step fathers, cousins, pets, nature, hobbies, etc. 

The world is a dark and troubled place IF we let it. But I also believe that as tiny individuals, we have the giant power to change it; and that power starts with love. 

The trauma I've been through the last little while all started with creating some thing I already love so uncontrollably. Let your heart love!! 


  1. Awww congratulations Kylie!!! Are you getting slowly better now that your first trimester is over? I hope so!!! Did u find out its a boy or is that just a cute onsie?

  2. Lara! The kidney infection has cleared but I'm still nauseated and not keeping much down. :-/ but it should get better! :) we don't know the gender yet. :) I just bought that onsie because my
    Husband is a hunter and I'm weird and liked the play on words. :)

  3. I'm so excited for you, and sad that it has been so rough. Hopefully things will get easier from here on out. I know your body can be a bit of a challenge when it doesn't have an extra person living in it; you'll be in my prayers. Love you!

    1. Thank you! I am optimistic that it will get better! :) the prayers are most definitely appreciated! I hope life is going well for you! I think of you everytime we're in heber. :)